November 30, 2021

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Desktop bust and custom iPhone 13 Pro made from melted-down Tesla car for the Elon Musk dork in your life

Desktop bust and custom iPhone 13 Pro made from melted-down Tesla car for the Elon Musk dork in your life
Here's one for those with their heads crammed so far up Elon Musk's arse they see the light when he yawns – a desktop bust and custom iPhone 13 Pro design dedicated to the centibillionaire meme machine, both allegedly made from the molten body parts of a Tesla car. One doesn't have to scroll far…

Here’s one for those with their heads crammed so far up Elon Musk’s arse they see the light when he yawns – a desktop bust and custom iPhone 13 Pro design dedicated to the centibillionaire meme machine, both allegedly made from the molten body parts of a Tesla car.

One doesn’t have to scroll far down anything the Tesla and SpaceX founder tweets to find legions of sycophants lapping up his bullshit pearls of wisdom, of which half he claims are composed while he’s taking a dump. Suddenly everything makes sense.

Moving swiftly on from the concerning poop rate, helpfully highlighted by Neil “Nobody Asked You” deGrasse Tyson, Musk’s most faithful adherents appear to be the target audience because who else could live with that smug mug judging your work?


Elon Musk bust

Seems like a waste of a good car to us. But wait, there’s more.


Musk iPhone 13 Pro

Both, we concede, bear more resemblance to their inspiration than the life-sized polyester resin statue inflicted on New York, which gave off more “tubby middle-aged bloke on street corner” than “godlike genius” vibes.

But who, we hear you ask, is responsible for these tasteful designs? It’s Caviar, a “famous luxury gadgets brand” from Russia, we are told. Any man who must say “I am king” is no true king at all. Likewise, Caviar can’t simply claim to be “famous” when no one’s heard of them, and the products themselves scream “notice me, senpai” as much as any of Musk’s Twitter followers. Here’s the guff anyway:

Caviar founder Sergey Kitov added: “I believe that smartphones and busts created from a Tesla car are a new level for us. In my opinion, these new items embody the soul of Elon Musk [like a horcrux?! – ed] and, therefore, they will bring their owners the success and creativity of this outstanding individual.”

As we head into the festive season, they will make a nice $8,300 stocking filler. Meanwhile, click here if you need help escaping a cult. ®

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